"I’m a believer that connecting with a sober girl who looks good in the light is a wonderful thing." -Roosh V
The Voodoo Dildo Joke
There was once this married couple who loved each other very much, but due to the man's job he was gone for days... sometimes weeks at a time. He knew his wife was lonely and he wished that he could do something for her while he was gone.
One day, while walking down a street after one of his many business trips, he happened by a gypsy shop. While browsing through the old woman's shelves of potions and totems, he noticed a large dildo sitting in the back. He asked the old woman, "What is this dildo doing here?"
The old woman smiled. "That is no ordinary dildo. That is a voodoo dildo!"
The old woman explained to the man that the dildo was possessed by the spirit of a legendary lover and told him that the dildo would obey any sexual command that was said to it.
The man thought it would be the perfect gift for his lonely wife and purchased it. The gypsy wrote down the instructions for the voodoo dildo on a card and the man took it home with him.
When the man got home, he waiting until he was about to go on another trip before presenting his wife with his present. He explained what it was and showed her the card about how to use it. He kissed her good-bye and left knowing that his wife would be taken care of while he was gone.
After a day or two, the wife was very lonely and decided to give the gift a try. She undressed, took the voodoo dildo out of its box, and looked at the card. She then said the magic words... "Voodoo Dildo my pussy!"
The Voodoo Dildo went to work and pleasured the woman for hours and hours. After a while, she couldn't take anymore and reached for the instruction card to see how to get her present to stop. In her haste, however, she knocked the card off the bed and it drifted into the fireplace. The woman watched in horror as the card burned to ashes.
The woman tried several commands: "Stop! Cease! Quit! Abort!" but nothing would stop the voodoo dildo. Thankfully, the address of the gypsy woman was on the box the dildo had come in and, after throwing on some clothing, the woman got in the car and sped away.
She was a few miles down the highway when she was pulled over by a highway patrol officer. She sat uncomfortably as the arrogant and self-important officer told her that he pulled her over for speeding. The officer asked her why she was going so fast.
The woman explained the entire story to the officer trying to convey the urgency of her situation. The officer rolled his eyes at the fantastic tale obviously not believing a word of it.
After the woman was finished, the officer took off his shades, looked her square in the eye, and said... "Voodoo Dildo my ass!"
3 years ago